Recovering From Attachment Disorder

Recovering from a traumatic or neglectful upbringing—such as having abusive, violent and/or addicted parent/s—is a profound, courageous and sacred journey. For anyone to repattern themselves, they must engage in intentional, layered healing that integrates psychological, emotional, relational, and somatic dimensions.

Acknowledge and Understand the Attachment Wound

• Self-awareness is the foundation of healing. Begin by learning about attachment styles—especially disorganized or anxious-avoidant patterns. (ask Chat GPT)

• Accept that your early environment shaped how you relate to safety, love, trust, and emotional expression.

• Journaling or speaking with a trauma-informed therapist can help surface suppressed memories or feelings.

  
  

Work with a Trauma-Informed Therapist

• Seek support from a professional who understands attachment trauma, developmental trauma, and family systems.

• Modalities such as:

  • EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

  • IFS (Internal Family Systems)

  • Somatic Experiencing

  • Schema Therapy can all assist in repatterning core beliefs, body responses, and emotional regulation.

Rebuild Internal Safety and Self-Trust

• Start with small, daily practices that promote emotional safety:

  • Mindfulness or meditation to notice and soothe internal states.

  • Gentle routines that ground you in self-care.

  • Self-validation exercises: affirming your needs, emotions, and boundaries as real and important.

Develop Secure Inner Attachment

• Build a loving, supportive relationship with your inner child—the part of you still carrying unmet needs from childhood.

• Practice speaking to yourself with compassion, curiosity, and care.

• Guided visualizations or inner child journaling can strengthen this internal connection and repair what was once missing.

Learn and Practice Secure Relationship Behaviours

• Notice automatic responses in relationships—clinginess, avoidance, fear of abandonment, hyper-independence—and challenge them gently.

• Practice:

  • Communicating needs calmly and directly.

  • Setting and holding boundaries without guilt.

  • Receiving love and help without fear or shame.

  • Practice self-soothing techniques to regulate your nervous system (e.g., slow breathing, grounding exercises, somatic touch).

  • Begin to trust your own emotions as valid—even if they’re intense or contradictory.

  • Use internal dialogue to reassure the frightened inner child part of you: “You’re safe now. I’m listening.”

  • Learn how to receive love without fear. Start small: allow compliments, let others help you, tolerate emotional closeness gradually.

  • Set healthy boundaries so you don’t swing between enmeshment and withdrawal.

  • Stay in connection during conflict—notice the urge to flee or shut down, and instead communicate clearly and kindly.

  • Date or connect with people who demonstrate emotional stability and consistency, even if it feels unfamiliar at first.

Rewire the Nervous System

• Attachment trauma lives in the body. Somatic practices help the nervous system unlearn chronic fight/flight/freeze responses:

  • Breathwork

  • TRE (Tension & Trauma Release Exercises)

  • Yoga for trauma recovery

  • Safe, physical self-touch or weighted blankets to build a sense of containment and safety.

Somatic Grounding Practice (5-4-3-2-1 Technique)

To calm the nervous system and bring your awareness back to the present moment. Especially useful for those who hold stress in the body or have PTSD:

How to do it:

1. Name 5 things you can see around you.

2. Name 4 things you can touch (e.g., the texture of your clothing or chair).

3. Name 3 things you can hear (e.g., distant sounds, your breath).

4. Name 2 things you can smell (or recall a familiar scent).

5. Name 1 thing you can taste (or imagine the taste of something comforting).

Reparent Yourself Daily

• Be the mother and father you needed:

  • Nurture your emotional life.

  • Protect your peace.

  • Guide yourself through decisions with kindness and firmness.

  • Recognize your patterns with compassion. This is not a personality flaw—it’s a survival strategy learned in childhood.

  • Keep a journal of emotional triggers, how you react, and what you actually needed in those moments.

• This consistent self-reparenting rewrites your internal scripts and builds new neural pathways of resilience.

Seek Healthy, Reciprocal Relationships

• Gradually let go of relationships that reinforce old trauma dynamics (e.g., chaotic, controlling, or emotionally unavailable people).

• Surround yourself with people who are emotionally safe, consistent, and capable of healthy intimacy.

• Practice vulnerability with discernment—only with those who earn your trust over time.

  
  

Allow for Grief, Anger, and Emotional Truth

• Part of healing is feeling the full depth of grief over what you didn’t receive.

• Allow yourself to process anger toward your parents without self-judgment.

• Honour your emotional experience as valid and necessary for integration.

Create a Vision for the Woman You Are Becoming

• Define what secure, healthy, empowered womanhood looks like for you.

• Set values, goals, and a life philosophy that align with your true self—not the wounded child.

• Repatterning is not just healing from the past—it’s also choosing who you now wish to be.

Final Thoughts

You are not broken—you adapted to survive in an environment that did not nurture you. Repatterning is a sacred act of reclaiming your emotional freedom, self-worth, and capacity to love and be loved in return.

Healing is not linear, but with commitment, support, and compassion for yourself, you can create a life filled with stability, joy, and authentic connection.